McCain “My campaign is moving in the right direction.”
With no money, no staff and soon no friends, John McCain is still confident he can win the early primaries. “The goal is to win at least two of the three early 2008 battles and ride the momentum to victory in other important states.”
Unfortunately, Mr. McCain sees momentums and victories that exist only inside his head.
John might suffer from delusions of grandeur and is often disoriented. Anyone who has seen him is asked to call their local Delusional SWAT Team.
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Clue: she is married to Dr. Cigar. Read More
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Astronauts Biff and Bill minutes before their flight aboard space shuttle Endeavour.
Aviation Week & Space Technology reports that “on at least two occasions astronauts were allowed to fly after flight surgeons and other astronauts warned they were so intoxicated that they posed a flight-safety risk.” The NASA can consider itself lucky that none has barfed in orbit so far. Try to picture the cleaning bill for a space shuttle…
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Fidel relaxing at a secret location.
Revolutionary Extraordinaire, Fidel Castro, says he is feeling much better and plans to be iron fisting Cuba for another 80 years. While Fidel could not attend the celebrations for Revolution Day, his brother, Raul insisted that Fidel is recovering well and that he is not trying to get rid of Fidel. Honest.
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This is a mock-up of Gayverend Haggard’s Reparative Therapy.
Since he confessed to enjoying sodomy and being a meth face, whatever happened to good old Gayverend Ted Haggard?
You may also be interested in:
Haggard says he is “completely heterosexual”
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Ikea Øbäma busy shaking hands and looking away at the same time. [Source: Charlie Neibergall/AP Photo]
It’s official! Ikea Øbäma fears the Pink Panther.
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George Bush’s favorite British bulldog puppy, Tony Blair is sniffing a sense of possibility in the Middle East (and maybe peace?). Well, we don’t know what his cook puts in his Kibbles’n Bits, but it must be pretty strong. As it is now, the Middle East only reeks of chaos and despair, thanks in part to Blair’s own steaming pile of pooh.
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Pope Palpatine invoking the Roman Catholic side of the Force. [Image via National Geographic]
The Emperor, Pope Palpatine, declared that churches could now revert to the old-styled Latin mass. Widely spoken by the 23 000 Ewoks shacking up on the Planet of Endor, Latin is understood by 0.2% of humanity. On receipt of the news, cardinals decided to celebrate Palpatine’s decision with 8 year-old Wookies. With this decree, Pope Palpatine aims to bring order to the galaxy.
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The Øbäma 2ÖÖ8 is also glow in the dark. [Image via Ikea]
We love the New Øbäma 2ÖÖ8! With its slick curves, who wouldn’t go for it? What’s even better is that the Øbäma 2ÖÖ8 can fit in any condo! (and it makes such a great addition to the bedroom…). Disinfect it with your favorite BS repellant and you’re all set!
Hurry though, the Øbäma 2ÖÖ8 is a limited edition and will soon be replaced by the more popular Hilläryous 2008 model.
(BS repellant not included)
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Bush Writes “G Tro N was the first president”
In yet another brilliant display of his brain power, Presitard Bush wrote that the first U.S. president was called Mr. G Tro N!? Is G Tro N even a name?
Bush was visiting a keyboard factory in Landover and was asked to type something. A partisan defending Georgie joked that the presitard was trying to write that “George Washington” was the first president. “Isn’t that funny?” he asked.
Ha. Ha. The last time I had this much fun, my dentist was drilling a deep hole in my gum.
Nice try Presitard Georgie, but somebody needs to go back to his History books big time.
Source: FOXNews (read the end of the article)
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