Does Dr. Evil have what it takes to satisfy this random gay voter?

“Gay men and lesbians have always had a soft spot for Hillary Clinton.” In the mid-’90s, in the White House Dr. Evil started socializing with a broad circle of people wearing Prada and Gucci shoes.

But for all her gay support, what has Clinton really done for gay rights?” Not much, some gay activists told Newsweek.

Outside the White House, Dr. Evil has had a harder time proving her straightforwardness (yes, that’s a word) with the gay community.  “Her positions on major gay issues are identical to those taken by Al Gore eight years ago,” activists sob.

Coco Chanel mascara dripping here.

Mark our words. That woman will do whatever it takes to conquer the universe, even if it means dressing up as a drag queen with “frickin’ laser beams attached to her frickin’ head.”

You may have missed:
Guess Who has $45M to Conquer the World?

“Mr. Giuliani often compares health insurance to car insurance and he talks about how the owner of the car will pay for the small stuff like an oil change. So too, he suggests, with health care. A consumer can cover basic routine visits, choosing a package that matches the level of risk they are willing to take,” the New York Times reports.

Comparing humans to cars could be a reason not to vote for Rudy. Who knows?

With no money, no staff and soon no friends, John McCain is still confident he can win the early primaries. “The goal is to win at least two of the three early 2008 battles and ride the momentum to victory in other important states.”

Unfortunately, Mr. McCain sees momentums and victories that exist only inside his head. 

John might suffer from delusions of grandeur and is often disoriented. Anyone who has seen him is asked to call their local Delusional SWAT Team.

It’s official! Ikea Øbäma fears the Pink Panther.

We love the New Øbäma 2ÖÖ8! With its slick curves, who wouldn’t go for it? What’s even better is that the Øbäma 2ÖÖ8 can fit in any condo! (and it makes such a great addition to the bedroom…). Disinfect it with your favorite BS repellant and you’re all set!

Hurry though, the Øbäma 2ÖÖ8 is a limited edition and will soon be replaced by the more popular Hilläryous 2008 model.

(BS repellant not included)