Welcome to themocker.com! TheMocker.com is a satirical news blog offering a biting mockery of current events, politicians and random personalities around the world.
Typical Chinese toys at a store in Beijing. Repeat after me: Chinese toys are SAFE. Chinese toys don’t fall apart. Chinese toys are GOOD for the environment. [Image via Reuters]
Nothing beats the safety of a $1,35 Chinese toy bought at the Dollar Store and that’s why “Chinese-made toys are overwhelmingly safe,” the official Chinese news agency claimed on Friday. (A week after Mattel pulled goods because of fears about lead in paint on Chinese toys.)
“Although there are a few problems with some made-in-China toys, generally the safety quality is worthy of being trusted,” the official Xinhua news agency told Reuters citing unknown officials.
So, you see little John, you don’t have to be afraid anymore! Suck on your $1,35 Chinese toy made with plastic from Chernobyl. Xinhua said it’s safe and if Xinhua says it’s safe, then it must be. :)
But can Hillary give the gays the kind of action they want?
Does Dr. Evil have what it takes to satisfy this random gay voter?
“Gay men and lesbians have always had a soft spot for Hillary Clinton.” In the mid-’90s, in the White House Dr. Evil started socializing with a broad circle of people wearing Prada and Gucci shoes.
But for all her gay support, what has Clinton really done for gay rights?” Not much, some gay activists told Newsweek.
Outside the White House, Dr. Evil has had a harder time proving her straightforwardness (yes, that’s a word) with the gay community. “Her positions on major gay issues are identical to those taken by Al Gore eight years ago,” activists sob.
Coco Chanel mascara dripping here.
Mark our words. That woman will do whatever it takes to conquer the universe, even if it means dressing up as a drag queen with “frickin’ laser beams attached to her frickin’ head.”
“Tolerance of homosexuality caused the bridge to collapse in Minneapolis,” Fred Phelps.
[Daily Planet] Fred Phelps aka Rev. Felch Queen ”plans to stage protests at funerals of victims of the 35W bridge collapse to state that God made the bridge fall because he hates America, and especially Minnesota, because of its tolerance of homosexuality.
The church and its [faggophobe] pastorhave become notorious over recent years for their claim that the attack of 9/11 was an act of God’s vengeance and their determination to make that case at the funerals of U.S. soldiers who died in Iraq.”
Everywhere he stages protests, Rev. Felch Queen always makes sure to leave his own personal aftertaste of asshole.
Michael Wolff’s new website, Newser, gets the Gawker treatment: “It’s TMZ but completely devoid of celebrities and urgency and puns. It’s Yahoo! News without the exclamation point. It’s the dullest thing I’ve seen all day, and I’ve been staring into a jar of pennies for the last half hour.” [Gawker]
Keith Olbermann’s Face Can Cause Diarrhea
Website Jossip is allergic to Keith Olbermann’s face, headline reads:
“Excuse Us, We’ve Got A Minor Case Of Keith Olbermann - Symptoms Include Pompous Arrogance, Nerdy Glasses And Diarrhea Of The Mouth” [Jossip]
A Reminder from the Presitard of the United States
A quote from Presitard Bush to remind us that he is the leader loser of the free world for another 530 days:
“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” [Political Humor]
[Reuters] “More than two-thirds of Australians living outside major cities are overweight or obese, and extremely obese corpses are creating a safety hazard at mortuaries, according to two studies released Sunday.
Meanwhile, pathologists are calling for new “heavy-duty” autopsy facilities to cope with obese corpses that are difficult to move and dangerously heavy for standard-size trolleys and lifting hoists.”
Study shows fat pussies facing diabetes risk
[Reuters] “Overweight cats face a growing risk of developing diabetes, researchers in Scotland said on Tuesday.
Pampered fat pussies are three times more likely to develop the potentially fatal condition than cats of a normal weight. They have little to do all day but eat, sleep and gain weight.”
Sentence for ‘lesbian bigamist’
[The Sun] “A mom of five who ‘wed’ another woman while still married to her husband was given a suspended prison sentence today.”
Not related to Fat Kilmer, but we like the picture.
Deodorant-deprived French President Nicolas Sarkozy and butt boy. [Image via AP]
[NY Post] France’s stinkiest cheese, “Nicolas Sarkozy yesterday lost it with two American news photographers covering his New Hampshire vacation - jumped onto their boat and loudly berated them.
The men watched through their lenses as Cheesident Sarkozy pointed toward them and his boat began moving towards them. He then jumped aboard their boat and began shouting furiously in French.”
Too many smelly 73 year-old geishas and no children are big issues in Japan. Big issues. [Image via The Economist, July 28th 2007]
Sushi fish are partying hard these days. Japan’s population is ageing fast and shrinking.
In 2005, Japan’s population began to fall because of its low birth rate, despite increasing life expectancy. Unlike France where retirement homes don’t have AC on purpose, air-conditioned cronies just won’t die in Japan.
At some point they do pop off and it is estimated that Japan’s population will drop from 128m in 2005 to 95m in 2050. It is unprecedented for any nation in peacetime to shrink and age so rapidly, reports The Economist.
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![Japan’s Demographic Decline [Image via The Economist, July 28 2007]](http://themocker.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/japan_demography_decline.jpg)